The Mathematics of Sluttiness

I somehow find humor in the word "slut." It means different things to different people, of course, but it has a certain negative connotation. Now, those of us that are very liberal about sexual freedom see nothing wrong with sexual promiscuity; and thus the word "slut" is rather meaningless. But if we're going to use the word, let's at least try to come up with some kind of standard as to who is-- and isn't-- a slut.

So, what makes one a slut, exactly? The average person (according to word on the street) ends up having around 3.5 partners in his or her lifetime (if this number is reliable it probably includes virgins). According to this CDC study, the average (median, not mean) number of opposite-sex partners for males is seven, while the average (again, median) number of opposite-sex partners for females is four. Are you a slut only if you go above these numbers at some point in your life? Four or more? Or maybe over seven for men, and over four for women?

But that's your whole life! Isn't it possible to be a slut at one point in your life but not another? Perhaps we need another method. Remember, the word "slut" is supposed to have certain negative connotations, such as sleeping around with people you don't really know. Perhaps you're a slut once you've had a one-night stand-- slept with someone you met that same day. And I'm not talking about someone you knew on the internet for a few months or even around two years before meeting him or her for the first time and sleeping with that person. I mean someone you really just met that day-- maybe he was on his way through town, took you to dinner, then to a motel, and-- you know, you gave it up. That'd make you a slut in a lot of people's eyes. That's the sort of story you keep in the closet, not wanting anyone to hear. It's a little shameful, you know?

Maybe it was a mistake. Certainly, one single one-night stand doesn't make one a slut. Perhaps one should consider the consistency with which one "sleeps around." I remember reading in Cosmo (or some similar magazine) that most people had 1 or fewer (ie: none) sexual partners the previous year (in a poll). So if you average much higher than this, maybe you're a slut! Sleeping with four partners over the course of four or five months is around one partner per month-- that's pretty damn slutty. So what would sleeping with more than one partner in a single week be considered? Let's not go there.

All of these methods could be faulty. Perhaps the best method is to take into consideration all of the above factors and more. But a prevailing question remains: Why should we care? Why do we care who someone sleeps with? Why do we care if someone is or isn't a slut? Does this show insecurity on our part, when we call someone else a slut? Does it mean we're intimidated? Or does it mean we're genuinely grossed out by someone else's promiscuity? "Don't want her, fellas-- she's been around the block!" But is the latter explanation really an alternate explanation to the one before it, or simply the same statement restated to make the "non-slut" out to be the superior one, when in fact this is not objectively the case?

I don't really have a point with all of this. I don't care who you sleep with, how many partners you've had or will have, nor do I care about anything about your sexual life. That's your business. I'm just a little curious.